Parenting arrangements after separation: how the law decides what is best

No part of separation matters more than the children — and no part is surrounded by more myth. There is no magic age at which children choose, no automatic week-about split, and since the 2024 reforms, no presumption about "equal shared parental responsibility" at all. Here is how Australian law actually approaches children's arrangements now, and how to put yours on solid ground.

One question above all: the child's best interests

Every parenting decision a court makes is governed by a single paramount consideration: what is in the best interests of the child. Since May 2024, the Family Law Act frames this through a simplified list of considerations, including: the safety of the child and their carers (including any history of family violence and any family violence orders); the child's own views; their developmental, psychological, emotional and cultural needs; each parent's capacity to meet those needs; the benefit of a relationship with both parents and others significant to the child, where safe; and anything else relevant to the particular child. For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, connection to culture, community and country is expressly considered.

The equal-time myth, updated

For years, parents arrived at mediation believing the law guaranteed a 50/50 split. It never quite did — and the 2024 reforms removed the legal scaffolding that fed the myth, repealing the presumption of equal shared parental responsibility and the linked duty to consider equal time. What remains is honest and simple: arrangements are built around this child's best interests, on these facts. Equal time is one possible answer among many, not a starting point. Courts can still make orders for joint decision-making on major long-term issues — schooling, health, religion — and day-to-day decisions rest with whoever the child is with.

Three ways to settle arrangements

• Informal agreement. Flexible, free — and unenforceable. Fine for amicable ex-partners, fragile everywhere else.
• Parenting plan. A written, signed, dated agreement covering living arrangements, time, changeovers, holidays, communication. Not enforceable as an order, but genuinely useful: courts must consider the most recent plan, and the discipline of writing one resolves half the arguments before they start.
• Consent orders. Your agreement, approved by the court and enforceable like any judgment. No hearing is required — the application is decided on the papers. For most separated parents who want certainty, this is the destination.

Mediation first: the section 60I requirement

Before applying for parenting orders, most parents must attempt family dispute resolution — structured mediation with an accredited practitioner — and obtain a certificate. Exceptions exist for urgency, family violence and child abuse risk. Mediation is not a hoop; the majority of parenting matters resolve there, faster and at a fraction of the cost of litigation. We prepare clients for mediation so agreements reached are informed, workable and ready to convert into consent orders.

When court is unavoidable

Some matters need a judge: entrenched conflict, allegations of risk, relocation, a parent who simply will not engage. Proceedings run in the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia, with safety screening, a child-focused case pathway, and in some cases an independent children's lawyer appointed for the child. Interim orders hold the position — sometimes for a long while — so the arrangements in place early matter. Prepared properly, most litigated matters still settle before a final hearing.

Urgency and safety

Where a child is at risk or has been withheld or removed, the law can move very quickly: recovery orders to return a child, injunctions to prevent removal from Victoria or Australia (including airport watch-list orders), and urgent interim parenting orders. Family violence intervention orders through the Magistrates' Court run alongside — see our guide to intervention orders in Victoria. If safety is immediate, call 000 first, then call us.

Relocation, new partners and grandparents

Three recurring flashpoints. Relocation: moving a child far enough to disrupt their time with the other parent generally requires agreement or a court order — moving first and litigating later starts you behind. New partners: courts care about the child's experience, not the parent's private life, unless a new relationship creates risk. Grandparents and other significant people can themselves seek orders to spend time with a child; the same best-interests lens applies.

Questions parents ask us most

At what age can my child decide? There is no set age. A child's views carry more weight with maturity, but they are one consideration among many, and children are never made to choose between parents in open court.

My ex is withholding the children. Can I stop paying child support? No — time and money are separate legal obligations, and linking them harms your own position. There are proper remedies for breached orders; use them.

Do grandparents have rights? Grandparents and other people significant to a child can apply for orders to spend time with them. The child's best interests remain the only test.

What if we agree on everything? Convert the agreement into consent orders. It is a paper application, comparatively inexpensive, and it turns goodwill into enforceable certainty while everyone is still on good terms.

Making arrangements that actually last

The best parenting orders read like a manual a stranger could follow: precise changeover times and places, a holiday rotation with dates, how communication happens, what occurs when plans change. Vague orders breed conflict; precise ones prevent it. Children's needs also evolve — orders for a toddler rarely fit a teenager — so build in review points. We draft arrangements for durability, and our family law page sets out how a matter typically unfolds, with costs agreed before we start.

The bottom line

Children do best when arrangements are settled early, precisely and with as little combat as the facts allow — and the law is now built to reward exactly that. Put safety first, use mediation properly, convert agreement into consent orders, and save the courtroom for the matters that genuinely need a judge. Whatever stage you are at, the most valuable step is the same: understand your realistic range before you negotiate, not after.

This guide reflects the law applying in Victoria as at July 2026. It is general information only, not legal advice, and does not take your circumstances into account.