Parenting arrangements after separation: how the law decides what is best

After separation, the law decides parenting arrangements with the best interests of the child as the paramount consideration. There is no set age at which a child decides, no automatic equal time and, since the 2024 reforms, no presumption of equal shared parental responsibility. Most parents must attempt mediation before applying for parenting orders. Here is how it works, and how we help make arrangements that last.

In this article

1. How does a court decide what is best for a child?
2. Do children automatically spend equal time with each parent?
3. How can parenting arrangements be formalised?
4. Do you have to try mediation first?
5. When is court unavoidable?
6. What if a child is at risk or has been kept from you?
7. What about relocation, new partners and grandparents?
8. Questions parents ask us most
9. How do you make arrangements that last?
10. The bottom line

How does a court decide what is best for a child?

Every parenting decision a court makes is governed by a single paramount consideration: what is in the best interests of the child. Since May 2024, the Family Law Act frames this through a simplified list of considerations. They include the safety of the child and their carers, taking into account any history of family violence and any family violence orders; the child's own views; their developmental, psychological, emotional and cultural needs; each parent's capacity to meet those needs; the benefit of a relationship with both parents and others significant to the child, where safe; and anything else relevant to the particular child. For Aboriginal and Torres Strait Islander children, connection to culture, community and country is expressly considered.

Do children automatically spend equal time with each parent?

For years, parents arrived at mediation believing the law guaranteed a 50/50 split. It never quite did, and the 2024 reforms removed the legal scaffolding that fed the myth, repealing the presumption of equal shared parental responsibility and the linked duty to consider equal time. What remains is honest and simple: arrangements are built around this child's best interests, on these facts. Equal time is one possible answer among many, not a starting point. Courts can still make orders for joint decision-making on major long-term issues such as schooling, health and religion, while day-to-day decisions rest with whoever the child is with.

How can parenting arrangements be formalised?

• Informal agreement. Flexible and free, but unenforceable. Fine for amicable ex-partners, fragile everywhere else.
• Parenting plan. A written, signed, dated agreement covering living arrangements, time, changeovers, holidays, communication. Not enforceable as an order, but still useful: courts must consider the most recent plan where doing so is in the child's best interests, and the discipline of writing one resolves half the arguments before they start.
• Consent orders. Your agreement, approved by the court and enforceable like any judgment. A hearing is not normally needed. The application is usually decided on the papers, although the court can ask for more information or list the matter if it has concerns. For most separated parents who want certainty, this is the destination.

Do you have to try mediation first?

Before applying for parenting orders, most parents must attempt family dispute resolution, structured mediation with an accredited practitioner, and obtain a certificate, a requirement set by section 60I of the Family Law Act. Exceptions exist for urgency, family violence and child abuse risk. Mediation is not a hoop. Many parenting matters are resolved there in whole or in part, faster and at a fraction of the cost of litigation. We prepare clients for mediation so agreements reached are informed, workable and ready to convert into consent orders.

When is court unavoidable?

Some matters need a judge: entrenched conflict, allegations of risk, relocation, a parent who simply will not engage. Proceedings run in the Federal Circuit and Family Court of Australia, whose website has its parenting application forms and guidance. Each case is screened for safety and follows a child-focused pathway, and in some cases an independent children's lawyer is appointed for the child. Interim orders hold the position, sometimes for a long while, so the arrangements in place early matter. Prepared properly, most litigated matters still settle before a final hearing.

What if a child is at risk or has been kept from you?

Where a child is at risk or has been withheld or removed, the law can move very quickly: recovery orders to return a child, injunctions to prevent removal from Victoria or Australia, including airport watch-list orders, and urgent interim parenting orders. Family violence intervention orders through the Magistrates' Court run alongside. See our guide to intervention orders in Victoria. If safety is immediate, call 000 first, then call us.

What about relocation, new partners and grandparents?

Three recurring flashpoints. Relocation: moving a child far enough to disrupt their time with the other parent generally requires agreement or a court order. Moving first and litigating later starts you behind. New partners: courts care about the child's experience, not the parent's private life, unless a new relationship creates risk. Grandparents and other significant people can themselves seek orders to spend time with a child; the same best-interests lens applies. Read our guide to grandparents' rights in Victoria.

Questions parents ask us most

At what age can my child decide?

There is no set age. A child's views carry more weight with maturity, but they are one consideration among many, and children are never made to choose between parents in open court.

My ex is withholding the children. Can I stop paying child support?

No. Time and money are separate legal obligations, and linking them harms your own position. There are proper remedies for breached orders; use them.

Do grandparents have rights?

Grandparents and other people significant to a child can apply for orders to spend time with them. The child's best interests remain the paramount consideration.

What if we agree on everything?

Convert the agreement into consent orders. It is a paper application, comparatively inexpensive, and it turns goodwill into enforceable certainty while everyone is still on good terms.

How do you make arrangements that last?

The best parenting orders read like a manual a stranger could follow: precise changeover times and places, a holiday rotation with dates, how communication happens, what occurs when plans change. Vague orders breed conflict; precise ones prevent it. Children's needs also evolve, and orders for a toddler rarely fit a teenager, so build in review points. We draft arrangements for durability. Consent orders for agreed parenting arrangements are a fixed fee of $3,025 and a parenting plan is from $1,452, both including GST, and our fees page sets out what each covers. Other work is costed in writing before we start, and our family law page sets out how a matter typically unfolds.

It also helps to keep a simple diary from the day you separate: the time the children actually spend with each parent, the changeovers that happen and the ones that fall through, school and medical appointments and who attended, and anything said or done that bears on safety. A record written at the time is far more persuasive than recollection months later, whether it supports a negotiated agreement, goes before a mediator, or has to be put to a court. It also keeps the focus where the law puts it, on the children's daily lives rather than on the adults' grievances.

The bottom line

Children do best when arrangements are settled early, precisely and with as little combat as the facts allow, and the law is now built to reward exactly that. Put safety first, use mediation properly, convert agreement into consent orders, and save the courtroom for the matters that need a judge. Whatever stage you are at, the most valuable step is the same: understand your realistic range before you negotiate, not after.

Sources: Family Law Act 1975 (Cth); Family Law Amendment Act 2023 (Cth), Schedule 1.

This guide reflects the law applying in Victoria as at September 2026. It is general information only, not legal advice, and does not take your circumstances into account.